reaching his sexy hand through the ether...

um yeah. THIS was in my mail this morning and I about peed my pants. I really didn't think he would write the poor BFA costume fangrls back but he did. his lovely assistant Melanie even put a little note in about how busy he was but took the time to sign it before he left for New York (right before you saw him Katie~) big lusting sigh. I know I say it a bunch but Alan Rickman fixes everything. I was completely down and in a funk but this shook me out of it. just a pic from my dream man did the trick. now I can fix any flaw in my ms, deal with any hiccup at work, battle the admin demons at school or whatever fate throws in front of me because dun dun dun!!!! I've got a pic of him!!!!!

yeah buddy

I think this is so funny. probably because I enjoy being so awesome. sad thing is that most people fail to appreciate the degree of my awesomeness.they seem to see it far too late but that's okay. I know I'm pretty freakin awesome. just not in the snotty way.
one thing I am feeling less than awesome about is my ms. I am working hard on it but sometimes I feel sort of hopeless. I feel like I am the only one who sees the uniqueness of it. that worries me. it's probably just a temporary feel ing but sometimes it sucks. and not in the cool vampire way.

merry christmas to all and to all a good night!

this is funny to me. I so adore Bela. anyway...I am taking a break from cooking my christmas eve meal of homemade spaghetti. not very traditional I know but Maddy's daddy is here and he loves my sauce and since he is italian, that's quite a compliment. tomorrow night is our big dinner. either way, it will be lovely because family is together again(albeit a nontraditional family).
speaking of nontraditional, I am thinking of my fictional vampire family.well not my family but Sidney's. I was thinking about how his life paraelles many stories. in a way his is a story of almost redemption. or the short vampire version. he has to change his ways to thrive and become more powerful. otherwise he would just stagnate. he has to realize that just because you are the oldest  active vampire on earth, it doesn't mean that you are perfect. he has to re embrace his role as a vampire and at the same time come to terms that vampires and people are not always what he expects or wants. this is all a tall order and I think makes him a compelling character. it's hard enough to adjust to changing times and people. imagine if you were a lonely, thousand year old vampire.
anyway, merry christmas to everyone out there!!I hope it's magical for all!!

and now...gaze in wonderment at Sam Neill. YUM

so here you go! just take a gander at him.mmmmm. made of awesome much like Tim Tebow but with as much sex appeal to slap the taste out of your mouth Sam Neill. with the upcoming Daybreakers movie, I have been reminded just how awesome he is.he's sexy and delish on multiple levels. he can be a good guy(Dead Calm and Jurassic Park) or he can be the devil (The Final Conflict) and either way, he just makes the panties want to come off. I have been a  fan of his since I saw him in Reilly Ace of Spies in 1983. I named my boxer dog Reilly and around that time, I started writing a form of Primigenio and named my vampire Sidney. (yeah, it's been that long) tastiness aside, he is a remarkable actor and person. he even has his own winery in New Zealand.
this is why I just adore looking at this man. he, like my other dream man AR, is a thinking woman's sex symbol. you just want to be around him. you know that he has something brilliant to say. and when he isn't around you know he is off doing something awesome or maybe even just chillin drinking wine.(that he MADE) he inspires revisions in my ms !

go check out brilliant Katie's clip of AR on her AWESOME blog!!!!

http://oneschemeofhappiness.typepad.com/home/2009/12/alan-rickman-talk-about-die-hard-while-i-watch-bad-harry.html

dude, Dr Kaku says it's possible to build a death star!!

so I'm watching sci fi science with the awesome brilliant Dr Michio Kaku and he says that within 100 years it will be totally possible to build a death star. sweet! now he's saying teleportation may be possible as well. now there is just no way that I can understand this but I think it's fascinating. if I won the lotto, I would pay just to sit and listen to Dr Kaku talk about all of his brilliant ideas. anyone who breaks science down to examples with hot dogs and legos is cool. 

holy crap this is trippy music

okay so I was taking a break from finishing 20 pairs of bow flip flops for a local jr high dance squad and I turned on the AMAZING Hearts of Space on satellite radio. anyway, tonight's show was when space met rock featuring a slew of awesome music by Pink Floyd, King Crimson  and others in that vein.  needless to say, I am now completely mellow. I feel like I should have candles burning and be riding on the wave of some substance that might or might not alter ones perceptions.lol. not that I would know anything about that sort of thing. anyway, my point of this is when I hear music like this and can appreciate it's influence on my  mood or outlook, I have to stand back in awe. I love music but seldom realize it's intense power. sometimes I wish I could just walk around with my ipod on all the time. or at least have it handy when I am stressed or angry. music for me can be like therapy. it's magic.

cue crescendoing music in anticipation for...Sam Neill as a vampire!!!!SQUEE!

so today,early, I saw a trailer for the new movie, Daybreakers with one of my favorite actors...Sam Neill. when I saw this, I was like was that really my man Sam? could he really be playing...a vampire?!?! HECK YES he can be playing a vampire. I've already marked my calendar and made this picture my wallpaper to further inspire me while I do my edits. Yum. an awesome, expensive suit wearing, corporate villain vampire in the flesh. I swear this is like a Christmas gift!I won't get it until january 8th but that's a okay.
this variety of vampire is infinitely sexier than others I've seen recently with the exception of the Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman on True Blood. A close second behind him is Frank Langella as Dracula with Richard  Roxburgh as Dracula rounding out the list. I just KNOW that Sam Neill is going to make my vamp loving heart melt and me go squee!

and now a break from reality for a search for enlightenment

 "If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty."

 not much to add to this.Yesterday, I was given an excellent opportunity for self knowledge and learning and I am taking it. My own tabula rasa. Awesome.

worrying about a vampire becoming self actualized

I'm worried about what a vampire would be like if he were more self aware in the icky human way. yes this is a strange thing to worry about but as my mc becomes more aware of his behavior, he might become a bit of a weenie. more than likely he'll just be sweet around his honey and maybe his offspring but I still worry. no one would dig a weenie vampire.
as for the pic of Jason Isaacs... he's just awesome so I thought I'd put him up there. he'd be a good vampire. wait what am I saying? he'd be a kick ass vampire.

dr kulikowski and my fear of looking like an idiot

so I'm sitting here using my time for other things. this is another way to say frittering my time away. I'm watching a docu on the history channel about the dark ages and having lusty thoughts about one of the historical experts. how sad is that? but he is a perfect example of a nerd-hottie. I know nothing of the man except he is a genius in late antiquity mediterranean and early medieval history and has that delightfully yummy nerdy quality to him. oh and he has a british accent so yeah, he's all good. gay, straight or whatever he's awesome like a hundred billion hotdogs. the most awesome thing is his mind. brilliant. I love listening to him and ordered his books from amazon today. I would probably never be able to keep up in one of his classes. he's just too brilliant and I would hate to look like an idiot.
karma and kudos for you dr kulikowski! you are massively brilliant and I hope my instructors are just as brilliant but I doubt it.

the nutcracker, six degrees of seperation and Alan Rickman

so my grinchiness is melting as I watch the Royal Ballet production of the Nutcracker and drink smart hot cocoa. smart as in spiked with kahlua. anyway, I love anything from ROC and it makes me very happy. it's like a six degrees of seperation thing. Nutcracker is to ballet is to ROC is to London is to RADA is to Alan Rickman. ahhhh. man that was awesome. almost cosmic.LOL.
I'm also still working on my manuscript revisions. they are getting easier now that I am getting a feel for colette. still waiting for feedback from super editor.

death and the grinch

yeah, I almost died to death today at the hands of a speeding budweiser truck. it was almost a flashback of my accident 10 years ago. today was different because my mom and daughter were in the car. damn. yay for close calls.
I'm still feeling grinchy and don't know why. I feel like the uber grinch. I need some excitement or something interesting to shake me out of my grinch groove.

the end of an era

I've been sad this week. today was the peak of my sadness. my beloved gators lost. I'm sad about that because it is the end of Tim Tebow's career as a gator. Timmy is a true epic human being. he is everything thing he says he is. he gives his all for his school, his team, his family and his faith and to me that is magical in these days and times. so many people are using the gator's loss to shred Tim and denounce him as being a fake and declare themselves gator haters. this is just a sad day for people and sports. I would not want to take delight in kicking someone when they were down. I don't want to be proud to be a hater of anything. I certainly am not going to laugh at a 22 year kid who is emotional and not afraid to show it. I'm proud that he believes that a man afraid to cry is not a man. so this is the end of the tebow era at UF. it's just one end that I am dealing with. sometimes change is very sad. both of the changes I am sad about are good things for the people. I'm overjoyed for that.
Good luck Timmy!You are my hero!Good luck to the other. Nerds rock!

turd in the punchbowl

so a beta who was reading my manuscript today told me that I should cut the 1st 150 pages and that she wasn't connecting emotionally with my MC. I about shit. seriously. this was the first time I had ever gotten a crit like that. not from the agents who have read it or super editor so I was a bit put out. it got to me big time. I know my betas are supposed to be honest but she was the first who basically said it sucked. just about everyone has found stuff that they liked but she said it was a turd in the punchbowl. I disagree. I know there are flaws and I'm working to fix them with super editor. cutting the first 150 pages has never been suggested or hinted at. that's almost a third of the ms and would leave gaping holes which the beta suggested that I trade for the characters and action in the last half. my minor cosmetic surgeries that I have been performing under super editors direction apparently needed to be amputations of the nuclear level.
deep breath...it's just one beta. don't over react. my vampires are fine. what would Alan Rickman do?

happy thanksgiving

thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I have lots of happy family memories.I have an uncle who friggin loves turkey. one year when my aunt and uncle were living close to us and joining us for thanksgiving,we called over to their house and told him that the turkey had fallen on the floor and was ruined. we went on to tell him that we had to throw it away. about ten minutes later he beelined into our kitchen and began to dig through the trash to see if he could salvage any of the ruined turkey. this uncle is also a turkey snob. he thinks only butterball turkeys are fit to be eaten. we tricked him by feeding him a publix brand turkey that he raved about until we told him that it wasn't a butterball. he accused us of feeding him a hall brothers turkey.hall brothers was a five and dime store in pennsylvania where they grew up.
I don't just love thanksgiving for the jokes we have shared. I love it because we all got together and enjoyed each others company and shared love and happiness.I miss that. now we have our own small thanksgiving with only a little family. most years thanksgiving happens at the hospital where I work and that's ok. I am thankful for my job so it's not so bad.
this post is kind of mushy and not my usual weird ass sense of humor but I just wanted to send out my thankful vibe for my family and friends and even my job. it feels good to let that out into the ether.

zombie nazis are the worst kinds of nazis

so today I watched a zombie movie called Dod Sno (Dead Snow). it's about norwegian med students and nazi zombies. I know how it sounds but it was actually pretty good.it scared me because these damn zombies could run and had some sort of intelligence. I have this weird paranoia about zombies that developed after I read World War Z. now with every outbreak I think oh no!it's happening! anyway, so I watch this movie and think I have the dvd case hidden but some how maddy finds it and says nazis!zombie nazis!oh no!mommy those are the worst kinds of nazis. it was so funny. her super serious voice and big wide brown eyes. she was convinced that the movie was a documentary.
all in all it was a cool movie if you dig zombies. just don't let your over dramatic kid find the dvd case.

the freakin grinch

yes I am the grinch.the one, the only, stealin the last can of who hash grinch. I went shopping today and immediately was overcome with grinchy feelings. the music, the decorations, everything just did it to me. I don't know why. hormones?possible. medication not working? maybe. overwhelming life questioning funk? wait stop right there. that's it. it all stems back from this screwing I am getting from UF. that just triggers the whole my life is a big joke I'm a big fuck up spiral. sigh. not even AR can swing me out of this one right now.

her excellency the mayor

okay I couldn't find any other mayors except the mayor of the city of townsville and I laughed harder at this. if my friend cori can be the hamburglar then I can be mayor mc cheese.
anyway, I'm the mayor of sucktown more accurately. I had a horrendous day at UF that kicked me in the proverbial nads. I was so upset that to keep from crying in front of the rat bastard advisor in CLAS that I told him that he was basically telling me that I had a better chance of crapping a pot of gold. yeah, I said it. my fantastic plan of trying to change my major to history might just be that.fantastic as in a fantasy. I was told that this just wasn't going to happen due to my hours and it didn't matter that I had a physical condition and a doctors note that said that I can't complete my major and I need to change. yeah he said that a physical disability wasn't a good enough reason for an exception. I seriously almost cried. I'm still not over the disappointment and I'm pissed that I have to fight. I can't believe that I am pissed that I have to fight because I love a fight for injustice. I think what pissed me off was the attitude of the douchebag advisor that I met with. he was the poster child of a prick with an iota of power. he had absolutely no intention of being helpful. he didn't even tell me HOW to appeal. he only told me that it wasn't going to happen.
now that I am over my depression, I am ready to fight. and to quote my yummy Al Gore, " instead of science, I'm going with crazy" oh man did he look like a big steamin dish of yum last night on snl.

Update: Al Gore

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me and my big ideas

don't laugh but I seriously wish I could join a roller derby league. yeah, I know. those who know me are probably saying you get hurt just walking but I have never hurt myself on quad skates. and I have always loved derby. I used to watch roller games on tv as a tween. a friend of mine from high school derbies and I am soooo envious. MAN. also, this would be a great way to get out some of my frustrations in a safe way. well, as safe as possible.
so, if you see me posting pics of me derbying...you were forewarned.

yay vampires

vampires forever.or at least until my manuscript is published.LOL. no really forever. I just wanted to say that to all who fail to appreciate the awesomeness of vampires. vampires are the only monsters that scare you but don't make you look away in fear. in fact, your drawn to them. sigh. the mythology of these creatures is so varied and fascinating. you can even put your own spin on them to create your own piece of mythology. sigh.

no mr bond, I plan to KILL you

I laugh at the most ridiculous things.take for instance the above picture. I laughed out loud when I saw this. I still think it's funny. my sense of humor is reflected in the pics I put up here. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. either way, it's a fact. I've already talked about how I laugh at inappropriate times. I'm not worried about my sense of humor, I just think it's unusual. It's like a 4th grade boy meets and intellectual. maybe it has something to do with my love of things nerdy. I do love some nerds and nerdiness. the nerds bring me to my knees. yes some people respond to the cool or brain dead pretty boys but the bright boys rock! a show like The Universe is filled with awesomeness! they can't be total poindexters though.(felix the cat reference) they have to have some crumb of cool or slick in them. the evil genius type. there is an episode of The Simpsons(one of my faves) where Homer gets a job in another town. He is employed by the mysterious Scorpio, voiced by Albert Brooks. Scorpio is an evil genius. probably a nerd grown up and made good. see? never rule out the nerds.all they need to do is realize the one cardinal rule of world domination. NEVER tell anyone your plan before you carry it out.

looking to saddle up

I am currently on the lookout for a haflinger pony for Maddy. Haffies are so sweet and bombproof.I know this is the perfect first mount for her. we are joining the pony club at the oaks so she can learn how to ride and care for a horse the proper way. even though I learned through the get on and hang on method, I don't want her to learn that way. actually I don't think her personality type would allow her to learn that way. she is much too much like her father and very thorough and analytical. thank God. anyway, if anyone knows of a haffie for sale let me know. I don't want a super hunter or dressage trained pony. I want a kid trail ride pony.Although, if the price is reasonable I would consider a hunter.

requires supervision

so I am working on my manuscript without the supervision of super editor. it's like riding a bike without training wheels. I think I have just about accomplished everything on her checkedy check list. I seem to have saved the hardest part for last. trying to explain why my MC loves another character. I'm stuck and my response to her of well he just does didn't fly well with her. she then told me that it wasn't believable because we didn't know very much about her. like in life, sometimes it's hard to pin down why we love who we love. we just know we do. I think that is what my MC feels. instead of fleshing out why they love each other the way they do, I have added more stuff unrelated to that. so much for writing without the supervision. let's face it, sometimes I just need hand holding.

squeee!look what I found!

so while surfing for random information that I needed, I came across this little gem. I Vampire comics. I LOVED this comic when I was a teen. it was awesome. but I somehow lost my copies as I moved around and grew older. then, when I asked my comic book nerd/experts about it, they all looked at me like I was nuts. what gives? then through the magic of technology, I found it again. I knew I wasn't crazy. every time I asked about vampire comics everyone pointed me toward Vampirella. not that Vampy isn't awesome but I wanted my dear Andrew Bennett. this has been a guilty pleasure purchase for me that I plan on coveting. I can't help it. I love nerds, evil geniuses, Alan Rickman and vampires. funny...they all seem related.

winner and still champion

I am still the prettiest girl in court. today's victory was by a landslide. pretty much I'll take an ego boost any way I can get it. LOL. saw the mystery cute SA again. found out that his name is John.not that he told me but because his name was written in sharpie on on the crate of case files he was lugging. so I stared semi longingly at him while I waited my turn to be called. fortunately all my court adventures are over. or at least I hope they are. by these postings I sound like a one woman crime wave. funny thing is I know the judge and he always looks at me like you crazy girl, why are you in my court room. but yay, I am done with court. and no it was nothing felonious or fun. it was something dumb. and not dumb in the looking back it was fun at the time but now it is just dumb.

dude the count is on google today

I noticed that when I accidentally switched from Igoogle to regular. AWESOME!Vamps RULE.
I was watching a really terrific unknown movie and decided to talk about it. it's called The Night of the White Pants with Tom Wilkinson(sigh). this is a great movie about learning to see what is important in life no matter how old you are. check it out if you haven't. another fab movie with him is The Governess.
let's face it I just love independent and under the radar movies. they are gems that I watch over and over. one of my all time favorites is The Search for John Gissing. this movie is so small I don't think it was ever released in the theaters. I only found it on Netflix while searching for movies with Alan Rickman for my film fest. Mike Binder and Janeanne Garofalo are amazing!!this film is funny slick and so underappreciated. I about peed my pants with the nun scenes.if you have google alerts Mike Binder...I heart your movie!

Alan Rickman fixes everything

so I registered for my spring classes as a history major and a theatre minor. it should be okay. but I have a book list of like 12 books. that's a big difference from what I'm used to. at least they are cool. I'm really hoping that changing to history, which is more pedestrian will help with my left arm situation. I seriously don;t know what I am going to do. it now hurts all the time and makes me feel old and cranky.
I'm cheered by watching my dream awesome man AR in Die Hard. I hate that he dies in it but he is one slick mo fo in it. Yum. when in doubt, Alan Rickman fixes EVERYTHING.

the manifesto and me

the chalkboard manifesto is awesome. check it out if you don't believe me. funny stuff. but then again, I love any kind of manifesto. I think I need to write one of my own. the word itself has a renegade kind of connotation that I just love. not in the unabomber way, though. I think he had a manifesto. I know he had a big bunch of crazy letters that he called a manifesto. I don't want a crazy manifesto. no one will take me seriously. oh wait... they already don't.LOL.

even with the time change I have no time

hahahahaha!I just tried to register for my classes on the wrong day. maybe that is a clue that I am too old to go to school. anyway, I have had some truly awesome ideas for my manuscript over the past week. I just need the time to write it. right now I am drowning in a ocean of boxes that need to be unpacked and the stuff arranged. moving is like my least favorite event. I've moved twice in a year. I feel like a friggin bedouin.

the prettiest girl in court

well today I had to go to court for a stupid reason and again I had my little mental of contest of am I the prettiest girl in court? duh, yes. LOL. it's not like I was up against some stiff competition. anyway, while in court I saw the cute a.s.a. I discovered that he is left handed. interesting. I first saw this guy when I had to go to court in january for the time I got pulled over in the stupid fhp roadblock. he's nice looking but probably way younger than I am and probably married but he makes court fun. well, my contest makes it fun but he makes it more interesting.

stabba stabba

well, somedays it just isn't worth the minor ducats that they pay me. me and my dumb job that slowly tries to crush my soul. I sometimes wonder why I torture myself with my job. I know it was only a bad day but sometimes I think it's not worth it and maybe I need to work at the health department or something.

I think I will do some writing. that should make me feel better losing myself in my character's world. they don't deal with the crap I deal with as a nurse. being a vampire in love is much more awesome than being a labor and delivery nurse.

a place of my own

we are moving into our new house and I am WHIPPED. I'm trying to move a whole house as well as 3 storage units. I have no idea why I am doing all of this work when we have movers booked for next week but I am. I am really excited about our new little place.it's old, has property, a stocked fish pond and has a little house for me to do all of my crafts and other endeavors. it gives me quite a nice feeling to know that I will have a place of my own to do my thing. sigh. happy sigh!

it just appeals to the goth costumer in me!

so I am surfing along trying to avoid writing and packing and I come upon(at the suggestion of the black wardrobe) a website with clothing so amazing that I now have ANOTHER reason that I need to live in London. I came upon The Fairy Gothmother. OMFG!this site has the most beautiful clothing and lingerie. I was in gothic costumer heaven. I could have spent hours looking at all of the the phenomenal garments. the models were photgraphed so beautifully! it was all very vintage noir.SIGH! I just want to go to the store in central London and stare longingly at them.

little perks from sitting so close

okay, so the other day I took Maddy to see her first Gator football game and it was great!our seats were FAN FRICKIN TASTIC. we were on the 50 yard line row 2 behind the arkansas bench. the only possible way they could have been better would have been if they were behind the Gator bench becuase then I could have seen Tim Tebow up close. although from my seat I was close enough to see that his jock strap is blue and he is tall. all in allit was awesome except Maddy was ready to go by the 3rd quarter. what can you expect from a 7 yo?

that game really made my mood improve. it had nothing to do with the fact that the pants that the players wear are see through. it was just getting out with Maddy and doing something fun and being around people and living life. so often,especially lately, I feel so world weary. I really needed the lift I got from the game! yay!

texts from last night

texts from last night

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Well once again, this is funny but it shouldn't be

texts from last night

texts from last night

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Holy SHIT google alerts are real

I always thought those were an urban legend. some uber sneaky techno way to watch out for things on the internet but after reading a blog entry on a blog that I follow I found out that they are REAL. technology scares me. it scared me years ago when I saw Patriot Games and now my fears have been reinforced.

all I have to say is Alan Rickman, if you have Google alerts I mean no creeper harm. I simply think you are on sexy mofo and Tim Tebow, you are just awesome.

that is all.

sucking without the time suck

well damn, I say. how hard is it to buy a frigging house? I ask this because we cannot find a house to buy and settle into and this is making me INSANE. well let me qualify that. we find houses but then they don't accept our offer or someone steals the AC unit out of it and we have to withdraw our offer because the financing falls through. BOLLOCKS!!

I have been in a state of uproar for about 2 weeks now and my little psyche can't handle it. I feel like my skin is crawling and I am restless. oh, and I decided that I would stay in school but change my major to something that was less of a time suck. what am I 20? so now it's history, which was my minor. it's just flip flopping. actually the school thing is mirroring the house hunting situation. I am having to settle on my second choice and I hate it.

well, it's over

I Dreamed a Dream, Maybe This Time, The Movie in My Mind etc. all of the songs of what might have been from some of Broadway's long suffering characters. I notice that the tragic figures get the best songs. maybe I just identify with the tragic ones and remember their songs. anyway, my point being I am giving up on going to school. I have come to the horrible realization that I am no longer twenty and my major should be completed only by those who are twenty, without children and who don't have a job or other real world demands. like I said, it was a hard decision to come to but after finding out that we have to move and renovate a house, I just decided that it was no longer realistic for me to keep going. I'm okay with it. I got myself to this point so I am the one to accept it. I think I will hang my education dream up along with perfect one true love Dan and keep it holy and clean too.

are you f ing kidding me

well, the great news is I have been plugging along with my rewrite and it seems to be going well according to feedback from super editor. this is a tremendous weight off of my mind.I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get back in the groove of this rewrite. I have written about 20 pages and that is A LOT of pages. it has been difficult because I have been trying to fill in gaps and flesh out characters and provide details that I know in my head but apparently I was selfishly withholding from the reader. LOL. so I am trying to jam this out before I have to pack up to move. oh wait, I didn't pass that gem along? oh yes I have less than 30 days to pack the house and move. nice. so long school.

the nice thing is we are moving to a swell new property with a pond and 5 acres. and best of all a swell little building for me and my crafts and endeavors. YAY!

october RULES!

YAY! it's the first day of october and I love it!!fall and winter are my favorite seasons. I am definitely more of a cooler weather kind of girl. it inspires me and makes me feel creative. :)

torpor in titletown

there has been so much going on with me lately that I wouldn't even know where to start. nothing cool or awesome. more grinding me down actually but I continue tot rudge on.

I am currently exhausted. seriously. my whole body is tired and that is the worst thing because it sets me up to get flu which half of the university of florida student body has. actually I feel like I am courting it but I am no position to miss any more school. I am tettering on just giving up to save myself but I am not quite there yet. especiallya fter last week's test cheating ordeal that I observed. I really was slapped with a serious dose of you are fucking forty,what do you think you are doing? are you nuts? this was disheartening and depressing.

on a lighter note,super editor was VERY encouraging on my rewrite and maybe I am not as lost as I thouyght I was. I was excited to be writing and the words were flowing like before and that briefly knocked me out of my torpor. Sidney and Lauryl are growing and meeting new people. (Thank you Alan RIckman for your unwitting help and just being such an awesome character model for me!

and the hits just keep on coming

another great day for me. I went to the doctor to find out about my foot and why it hurt so freakin much and I found out that it might be the result of an ankle surgery that I had 8 years ago. the doctor said that the surgeon, who ended up allegedly leaving town due to problems, performed my surgery questionably.nice. oh and the way that my foot will stop hurting is to have the surgery again and repair the damage from the first surgery. needless to say, I was very upset. just another adventure. sigh.
then I figured that I am going to need to drop one of my classes because I need more time to spend with Maddy. I seriously debated just stopping school period but then I changed my mind. my parents wouldn't let that happen. bleah. more stress.

get the can ready

well, I still am having problems with my daughter's teacher. I think the woman just doesn't like Maddy. she rides her like zorro on everything. I've already been to the principal about this but it just doesn't show any signs of getting better. I feel like Maddy has to be perfect in class or she gets in trouble. that's not fair or realistic for a second grader. it's really driving me crazy. I feel like I am not giving her enough attention in all of this because of my schedule and that makes me feel horrible. I have a conference with her teacher on thursday and am preparing two different approaches. one is very low key and sweet and the other is more open the can of whoop ass on her. I can't stand for her to be so harsh on Maddy. don't make momma mad!

2 chapters down

I've actually written two chapters of my rewrite. yay for me. but I have no idea if I am going in the right direction. it's very Sidney slanted and gives lots of exposition but I don't know if it is what it was lacking. I'm very proud of myself for getting this done. I've be adrift and not very focused on much the last 5 days. and my foot hurts. I need a huge does of Alan Rickman and my foot to stop hurting. I think that might get me going in the right direction.

no one dies in the theatre...they just fall off ladders and become exhausted

we have a show opening and it is slowly killing people apparently. Jessica, the costume designer fell off a ladder and wrecked her knee and now Jeremy and Kent the lighting and scenic designers are exhausted. Ah the theatre.

yay!!!!Halloween is coming!

counting down to my fAVORITE holiday in the entire world...Halloween. I just love it. I think about it a lot. I'd celebrate it all year long if I could. maybe that is why I love the theatre and costuming so much. seriously, I think in a past life I was from New England and was thrilled at the first turned leaf. bring on the pumpkins and scarecrows and haybales.

and now on a serious note...

I still am sick but am going to take a few minutes out to say farewell to the awesome Patrick Swayze. what a terrific actor,dancer person. I am glad his hard journey is over and he can now be at peace but I will miss his talent. I will miss him in Dirty Dancing. I will miss him in Ghost and I will miss him on Saturday Night Live doing the White Trash Bed and Breakfast. my heart goes out to his family and friends.
P.S. I cried so many times in Ghost. I loved it.
Rest Easy now Patrick.

sick...must write

today I feel like doo doo because I have an ear ache and I can't think. oddly enough I can think about my manuscript. probably because I imagine AR. anyway, I feel an urge to write so let me try to conquer my feelings of crappiness and do it.

Lauryl on campus

my people are talking to me again. today, while walking across campus, I saw 4 different Lauryls. or 4 girls who could be Lauryl. it was like seeing my character walking and talking with people. if that is not inspiration to write, then I don't know what is. of course I would never see her on a college campus unless she had figured some scheme line up a few meals. Anthony definitely but not her. now if I could only see Sidney up close and personal. sigh.
he has been trying to talk to me and Colette as well but it wasn't quite as jarring as seeing characterizations of Lauryl in the flesh. I have been trying to visualize scenes in my head a la theatre department and that has been helpful. seeing it as a designer. these scenes even have lighting, my arch enemy. but it is there creating ambience and defining character. I wish there was a way that I could transfer my visualizations into words. I have been doing something like that by writing down snippets of dialog but I wish I could do the same with narrative.