worrying about a vampire becoming self actualized

I'm worried about what a vampire would be like if he were more self aware in the icky human way. yes this is a strange thing to worry about but as my mc becomes more aware of his behavior, he might become a bit of a weenie. more than likely he'll just be sweet around his honey and maybe his offspring but I still worry. no one would dig a weenie vampire.
as for the pic of Jason Isaacs... he's just awesome so I thought I'd put him up there. he'd be a good vampire. wait what am I saying? he'd be a kick ass vampire.

dr kulikowski and my fear of looking like an idiot

so I'm sitting here using my time for other things. this is another way to say frittering my time away. I'm watching a docu on the history channel about the dark ages and having lusty thoughts about one of the historical experts. how sad is that? but he is a perfect example of a nerd-hottie. I know nothing of the man except he is a genius in late antiquity mediterranean and early medieval history and has that delightfully yummy nerdy quality to him. oh and he has a british accent so yeah, he's all good. gay, straight or whatever he's awesome like a hundred billion hotdogs. the most awesome thing is his mind. brilliant. I love listening to him and ordered his books from amazon today. I would probably never be able to keep up in one of his classes. he's just too brilliant and I would hate to look like an idiot.
karma and kudos for you dr kulikowski! you are massively brilliant and I hope my instructors are just as brilliant but I doubt it.

the nutcracker, six degrees of seperation and Alan Rickman

so my grinchiness is melting as I watch the Royal Ballet production of the Nutcracker and drink smart hot cocoa. smart as in spiked with kahlua. anyway, I love anything from ROC and it makes me very happy. it's like a six degrees of seperation thing. Nutcracker is to ballet is to ROC is to London is to RADA is to Alan Rickman. ahhhh. man that was awesome. almost cosmic.LOL.
I'm also still working on my manuscript revisions. they are getting easier now that I am getting a feel for colette. still waiting for feedback from super editor.

death and the grinch

yeah, I almost died to death today at the hands of a speeding budweiser truck. it was almost a flashback of my accident 10 years ago. today was different because my mom and daughter were in the car. damn. yay for close calls.
I'm still feeling grinchy and don't know why. I feel like the uber grinch. I need some excitement or something interesting to shake me out of my grinch groove.

the end of an era

I've been sad this week. today was the peak of my sadness. my beloved gators lost. I'm sad about that because it is the end of Tim Tebow's career as a gator. Timmy is a true epic human being. he is everything thing he says he is. he gives his all for his school, his team, his family and his faith and to me that is magical in these days and times. so many people are using the gator's loss to shred Tim and denounce him as being a fake and declare themselves gator haters. this is just a sad day for people and sports. I would not want to take delight in kicking someone when they were down. I don't want to be proud to be a hater of anything. I certainly am not going to laugh at a 22 year kid who is emotional and not afraid to show it. I'm proud that he believes that a man afraid to cry is not a man. so this is the end of the tebow era at UF. it's just one end that I am dealing with. sometimes change is very sad. both of the changes I am sad about are good things for the people. I'm overjoyed for that.
Good luck Timmy!You are my hero!Good luck to the other. Nerds rock!

turd in the punchbowl

so a beta who was reading my manuscript today told me that I should cut the 1st 150 pages and that she wasn't connecting emotionally with my MC. I about shit. seriously. this was the first time I had ever gotten a crit like that. not from the agents who have read it or super editor so I was a bit put out. it got to me big time. I know my betas are supposed to be honest but she was the first who basically said it sucked. just about everyone has found stuff that they liked but she said it was a turd in the punchbowl. I disagree. I know there are flaws and I'm working to fix them with super editor. cutting the first 150 pages has never been suggested or hinted at. that's almost a third of the ms and would leave gaping holes which the beta suggested that I trade for the characters and action in the last half. my minor cosmetic surgeries that I have been performing under super editors direction apparently needed to be amputations of the nuclear level.
deep breath...it's just one beta. don't over react. my vampires are fine. what would Alan Rickman do?

happy thanksgiving

thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I have lots of happy family memories.I have an uncle who friggin loves turkey. one year when my aunt and uncle were living close to us and joining us for thanksgiving,we called over to their house and told him that the turkey had fallen on the floor and was ruined. we went on to tell him that we had to throw it away. about ten minutes later he beelined into our kitchen and began to dig through the trash to see if he could salvage any of the ruined turkey. this uncle is also a turkey snob. he thinks only butterball turkeys are fit to be eaten. we tricked him by feeding him a publix brand turkey that he raved about until we told him that it wasn't a butterball. he accused us of feeding him a hall brothers turkey.hall brothers was a five and dime store in pennsylvania where they grew up.
I don't just love thanksgiving for the jokes we have shared. I love it because we all got together and enjoyed each others company and shared love and happiness.I miss that. now we have our own small thanksgiving with only a little family. most years thanksgiving happens at the hospital where I work and that's ok. I am thankful for my job so it's not so bad.
this post is kind of mushy and not my usual weird ass sense of humor but I just wanted to send out my thankful vibe for my family and friends and even my job. it feels good to let that out into the ether.

zombie nazis are the worst kinds of nazis

so today I watched a zombie movie called Dod Sno (Dead Snow). it's about norwegian med students and nazi zombies. I know how it sounds but it was actually pretty good.it scared me because these damn zombies could run and had some sort of intelligence. I have this weird paranoia about zombies that developed after I read World War Z. now with every outbreak I think oh no!it's happening! anyway, so I watch this movie and think I have the dvd case hidden but some how maddy finds it and says nazis!zombie nazis!oh no!mommy those are the worst kinds of nazis. it was so funny. her super serious voice and big wide brown eyes. she was convinced that the movie was a documentary.
all in all it was a cool movie if you dig zombies. just don't let your over dramatic kid find the dvd case.

the freakin grinch

yes I am the grinch.the one, the only, stealin the last can of who hash grinch. I went shopping today and immediately was overcome with grinchy feelings. the music, the decorations, everything just did it to me. I don't know why. hormones?possible. medication not working? maybe. overwhelming life questioning funk? wait stop right there. that's it. it all stems back from this screwing I am getting from UF. that just triggers the whole my life is a big joke I'm a big fuck up spiral. sigh. not even AR can swing me out of this one right now.

her excellency the mayor

okay I couldn't find any other mayors except the mayor of the city of townsville and I laughed harder at this. if my friend cori can be the hamburglar then I can be mayor mc cheese.
anyway, I'm the mayor of sucktown more accurately. I had a horrendous day at UF that kicked me in the proverbial nads. I was so upset that to keep from crying in front of the rat bastard advisor in CLAS that I told him that he was basically telling me that I had a better chance of crapping a pot of gold. yeah, I said it. my fantastic plan of trying to change my major to history might just be that.fantastic as in a fantasy. I was told that this just wasn't going to happen due to my hours and it didn't matter that I had a physical condition and a doctors note that said that I can't complete my major and I need to change. yeah he said that a physical disability wasn't a good enough reason for an exception. I seriously almost cried. I'm still not over the disappointment and I'm pissed that I have to fight. I can't believe that I am pissed that I have to fight because I love a fight for injustice. I think what pissed me off was the attitude of the douchebag advisor that I met with. he was the poster child of a prick with an iota of power. he had absolutely no intention of being helpful. he didn't even tell me HOW to appeal. he only told me that it wasn't going to happen.
now that I am over my depression, I am ready to fight. and to quote my yummy Al Gore, " instead of science, I'm going with crazy" oh man did he look like a big steamin dish of yum last night on snl.

Update: Al Gore

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me and my big ideas

don't laugh but I seriously wish I could join a roller derby league. yeah, I know. those who know me are probably saying you get hurt just walking but I have never hurt myself on quad skates. and I have always loved derby. I used to watch roller games on tv as a tween. a friend of mine from high school derbies and I am soooo envious. MAN. also, this would be a great way to get out some of my frustrations in a safe way. well, as safe as possible.
so, if you see me posting pics of me derbying...you were forewarned.

yay vampires

vampires forever.or at least until my manuscript is published.LOL. no really forever. I just wanted to say that to all who fail to appreciate the awesomeness of vampires. vampires are the only monsters that scare you but don't make you look away in fear. in fact, your drawn to them. sigh. the mythology of these creatures is so varied and fascinating. you can even put your own spin on them to create your own piece of mythology. sigh.

no mr bond, I plan to KILL you

I laugh at the most ridiculous things.take for instance the above picture. I laughed out loud when I saw this. I still think it's funny. my sense of humor is reflected in the pics I put up here. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. either way, it's a fact. I've already talked about how I laugh at inappropriate times. I'm not worried about my sense of humor, I just think it's unusual. It's like a 4th grade boy meets and intellectual. maybe it has something to do with my love of things nerdy. I do love some nerds and nerdiness. the nerds bring me to my knees. yes some people respond to the cool or brain dead pretty boys but the bright boys rock! a show like The Universe is filled with awesomeness! they can't be total poindexters though.(felix the cat reference) they have to have some crumb of cool or slick in them. the evil genius type. there is an episode of The Simpsons(one of my faves) where Homer gets a job in another town. He is employed by the mysterious Scorpio, voiced by Albert Brooks. Scorpio is an evil genius. probably a nerd grown up and made good. see? never rule out the nerds.all they need to do is realize the one cardinal rule of world domination. NEVER tell anyone your plan before you carry it out.